Top ten apps to help David Letterman out of the Dog House

Oct 6, 2009
TV

Nobody knows more about making public apologies these days than David Letterman. Now that his affairs are a recurring punchline, the CBS Late Show host needs all the help he can get to win back the good graces of his humiliated wife Regina Lasko.  Fortunately, we found a wide selection of iPhone apps – at Top […]

Nobody knows more about making public apologies these days than David Letterman. Now that his affairs are a recurring punchline, the CBS Late Show host needs all the help he can get to win back the good graces of his humiliated wife Regina Lasko. 

Fortunately, we found a wide selection of iPhone apps – at Top 10 List, in fact – to help Letterman forge his way to forgiveness. 

10. MBF Account

Nothing says, “I’m sorry” like a new Mercedes-Benz… or three. This app will help keep them organized by making payments and viewing account information right on your iPhone. It’s free, but with the new SLR McLaren Roadster pushing $500K, you’ll need all the extra scratch you can find. Plus, Letterman should really beef up his car collection if he wants chance of competing with Leno.

9. Love and Romance Tips

For 99 cents, this app makes chivalry a cinch by offering anniversary reminders and a section that stores your lady’s dress and shoe size for future lavishing. There’s also a tab for sending chocolate or flowers from your iPhone and romantic ideas for showing someone you care. This is a perfect app for a television host used to taking cues from a producer for the past 30 years.

8. Mapquest 4 Mobile

Since even the female navigation voice in Letterman’s car has stopped speaking to him, this new free navigation app might do him good. Upgrading on the core qualities of Mapquest.com, this app also offers unlimited access to local hotels, restaurants and shopping location searches in your area. It’s clean, reliable and won’t give you a headache—some attributes this back-pedaling husband might benefit from observing. 

7. iPets

Unfortunately, there are no apps available to help Letterman find another sneezing pet monkey like the one he endorsed last year. However, bringing home a post-argument kitten is a standard practice in every man’s “I’m an idiot” playbook. This app is 99 cents and will help you find a new pet by browsing popular classified sites like Facebook and Oodle on the go. Of course, we all know who will be cleaning the litter box for the rest of his life.

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6. iBeg

Sometimes you have to show desperation, and iBeg’s cardboard sign design might just make you pathetic enough to be pitied. With ten different messages scrawled across a torn cardboard background, this free app helps you request donations for all your basic needs like food, work and, yes, forgiveness. It won’t let you customize your own sign, but it may help Letterman get some spare change on an exit ramp en route to divorce court.

5. iDiamond

When it comes to guilt jewelry there’s only one rule: If it hurts your wallet, then you’ve learned your lesson. But if you need to understand why it’s costing you a second job, iDiamond (99 cents) offers all the info you’ll need. The app shows you different diamond cuts, colors and clarity, plus it provides a pricing guide that lets you customize rings and then estimate their retail cost so you don’t walk into the shop with “sucker” written on your forehead. Another bonus is that you can give it to your wife without revealing that your personal assistant picked it out.

4. 1800Flowers

Letterman would be better off purchasing an entire botanical garden, but a constant flow of fresh bouquets would be a good start. With this free app, you can shop right from your phone and order same-day deliveries any time. The app divides into sections for different occasions. “I’m sorry” conveniently has its own section, keeping the florists surrounding Letterman’s Montana ranch forever employed. 

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3. Let’s Write Poetry

Unless Letterman can convince his staff to write a lifetime supply of daily monologues, he might benefit from this free app’s library of poetry and its special “Love and Romance” category. It also let’s you create your own poems, which Lasko might find dreamy as long as it doesn’t include any Sarah Palin jokes.

2. Proposal: “Will you marry me?”

It’s only been seven months since their civil ceremony, but it took Letterman and Lasko 23 years of dating to finally tie the knot. So renewing their vows now would just be making up for lost time. This app costs 99 cents and may not be the most romantic way to propose, but it’ll get the job done. Just enter in her name, a picture, and whatever you want the message to say and your phone will pop the question for you with an open ring box and a flurry of fireworks on your screen. I mean, he’s already got a band and everything.

1. David Letterman Quotes

Letterman may need some help reminding Lasko why she fell for him in the first place—we’re assuming it was his humor. A good laugh can be the best cure, and this app features a library of quotes from his last 30 years on television. At 99 cents, he’s probably making royalties on it anyway. Like the real Letterman, this app produces random jokes every time you shake it.

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Steven Yaccino

Steven Yaccino has written for Esquire and U.S.News & World Report, among other magazines. He is currently freelancing in Chicago.

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