The dumbest iPhone accessories you should avoid buying

Feb 28, 2012
Games

While the iPhone is arguably the smartest cell phone you can buy, it has inspired some of the dumbest accessories imaginable. From cases made out of pretend pastries (and real diamonds!), to camera lenses that make your iPhone considerably less mobile, to devices that try to convert wind into added battery power, there is no […]

While the iPhone is arguably the smartest cell phone you can buy, it has inspired some of the dumbest accessories imaginable. From cases made out of pretend pastries (and real diamonds!), to camera lenses that make your iPhone considerably less mobile, to devices that try to convert wind into added battery power, there is no shortage of accessories that are long on price and short on function.

Here we present the five lamest iPhone accessories that you can certainly live without. Buyer beware!

Green Sweet Pastry Case – $33

Just because iPhones and cupcakes (and other handheld pastries) are among the trendiest things to purchase over the last few years doesn’t mean that the two should be combined in any way, shape or form. This isn’t chocolate and peanut butter we’re talking about here, but rather a handheld personal computer and a pseudo-confection. From the pastel design to the questionable ability to remain intact in a purse (much less a pocket), there are so many sour things we can say about the Green Sweet Pastry Case Decoden Case. The seller’s name, So Totally Lame, says it all. However, if the pastry case suits your taste, you can check additional products from the seller including the Pink Sweet Cake Case, the Deluxe “Whipped Cream Case, and of course the Floral Pink Rhinestones edition. If you own an iPhone and can’t get enough of cupcakes, we recommend you download the 99-cent Cupcakes! recipe app. Hold the sprinkles, please.

Diamond iPhone Case – Valued at $20,000

While you might be stuck with buyer’s remorse after ordering the pastry case, at least you didn’t shell out twenty grand for it! New York-based jeweler James Allen is the latest company to market a diamond-encrusted iPhone case. The case, which was part of a Valentine’s Day promotional giveaway, includes 808 diamonds totaling 5 carats. The hand-crafted titanium case also includes 43 rubies that weigh about 0.37 carats. Appropriately, James Allen gave away this case with an iPhone 4S. Why protect an Apple product that isn’t top of the line, right? Further, as the iPhone 4S has the Siri Voice Assistant inside it, whoever won it can ask Siri how to disassemble a diamond case and sell the diamonds for cash. The diamond case is not the only iDevice accessory that will run you $20,000. For that amount, you can also pick up the i-Con bed frame and headboard that includes two iPad docking stations and a 250 watt amplifier. Bam!

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Brick Shell Cover Case  – $30

The eighties are a full generation behind us, and we now know that greed is not always good. Neither is paying $30 for a retro style Brick Shell Cover phone made famous by Michael Douglas’ Gordon Gekko character in the film Wall Street. Now, my family was fortunate enough to have one of the original Brick Shell phones around the time they came out in 1987. It was not only a technological marvel, but a source of immense pride and attention from our neighbors. Scroll forward to today, however. Once you get beyond the initial chuckle and nostalgic acknowledgements from friends and lookers-on, you are left with a seven ounce case that can’t fit in your pocket. If you are a slave to the eighties but looking for a slightly more practical iPhone accessory option, there is an iPhone 4 and 4S case that resembles the old school Nintendo video game controller. Sold!

iSteady Shot Camera Stabilizer – $129.99

With 8 megapixels and a dual-core A5 chip, the iPhone 4S can go lens to lens with most of the finest consumer-oriented cameras available. And while we see iPhones working their way into professional photography use, if you are going to make a living capturing still and moving images, we do recommend you invest in an actual camera. So, rather than spending $130 on the iSteady Shot Camera Stabilizer, save up for a dedicated camera that won’t be taking inbound calls while you’re in the studio or on location. The whimsy of iPhones and top-tier smartphone cameras is that you can take professional-like pictures of everyday settings and then share with others through apps like Instagram. The stabilizer is an unnecessary intrusion, and not something you can easily carry around with you. Hold steady, but also hold out for something else.

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The iFan Wind-Powered Battery Charger – Price N.A.

While we will give this one an “A” for ambition, the thought of using the wind-powered iFan to charge our batteries gives us the chills. Dutch designer Tjeerd Veenhoven (cue the windmill jokes) came up with the iFan concept a few years back. To our knowledge, the device – which takes about six hours to charge an iPhone – has yet to become commercially available. Veehnoven now is apparently tinkering with ways to harness the iFan onto bicycles, giving campers and cyclists another source of juice. Alternative energy holds great promise in the years and decades to come to fuel vehicles, heat our homes and power electric grids. But for the time being and foreseeable future, we recommend using Apple’s perfectly effective power charger to do the trick (if not blow you away).

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Brad Spirrison

Brad Spirrison is the managing editor of appoLearning and Appolicious Inc. In this capacity, he has sampled and evaluated thousands of iOS and Android applications. He also holds an M.A. in Education and Media Ecology from New York University.

Spirrison worked in concert with appoLearning Expert and Instructional Technology Specialist Leslie Morris while curating and evaluating educational applications.

A longtime media and technology commentator and executive, Spirrison is also a regular contributor to ABC News, The Huffington Post, TechCrunch, Bloomberg West and The Christopher Gabriel Program.

Spirrison is married and lives with his wife and young son in Chicago. As his son was born just weeks before the debut of the iPad, Spirrison takes his work home with him and regularly samples and enjoys a variety of educational applications for young children.

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