Saluting Shaq with some post-retirement app ideas

Jun 2, 2011
Misc

Shaq. Diesel. Superman. The Big Aristotle. You’ve had more nicknames than all the other NBA players combined, or at least it feels that way. But now you’re just The Big Easy. As in, taking it easy, which is what you’ll be doing now that you no longer have to worry about gutting it out against […]

Shaq. Diesel. Superman. The Big Aristotle. You’ve had more nicknames than all the other NBA players combined, or at least it feels that way. But now you’re just The Big Easy. As in, taking it easy, which is what you’ll be doing now that you no longer have to worry about gutting it out against quicker, younger talent every other night during the winter and spring.

But retirement is boring, dude. Sitting around all day diving into your pile of money like Scrooge McDuck, not worrying about what you’re eating or drinking or when practice is. Wait. What am I saying? Retirement is awesome.

The point is, we know you’re big into tech, having initially announced your retirement via Twitter using a video shot on the Tout app. So we thought we’d help you out and point you in the direction of a few apps that might come in handy now that you’re perennially poolside.

Jersey Shore Nickname Generator

As mentioned, you’ve been pretty prolific when it came to nicknames, Shaq. Maybe not Sawyer from LOST good, but pretty good. But now that you’re not hanging out on the court all day, you might need some help. Judging you as a man of high class, I have no doubt you’d find the Jersey Shore Nickname Generator to be pretty useful for any future nicknames you bestow on yourself or your good pals. And it’s useful in any post-retirement “situation”.

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Kung Fu Panda 2: Be The Master

The less we say about your foray into films the better, but Shaq Fu? That game wasn’t half bad! So here’s what I’m thinking. Get the Kung Fu Panda 2 app and start doing your homework. Learn the ins and outs of the characters. Find out what really makes a kung fu panda tick, y’know? And then prepare for your new role as the Shaq Fu Panda. Worst case scenario, a decent direct-to-DVD romp that will hold up comfortably next to Kazaam and Steel. Best case? You push Jack Black out and become the face of a new franchise. Dream big!

Tasting Notes

Tasting Notes should be a no-brainer for a connoisseur of the finer things such as yourself. After all, you know one four NBA championships taste like. Now you could ask your friends how your wine tastes, and then take notes so you never have to ask twice.

5-0 Radio Police Scanner Lite

I know that the above mentioned rapping ended up getting your special deputy badge revoked, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop living your other dream. Check out the 5-0 Radio Police Scanner Lite app and find crimes on your own time, Shaq. Sure, you won’t get a cool uniform, but who would stop you from assisting on an arrest if you followed a tip from the scanner? You’re the Diesel!

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Dan Kricke

Dan Kricke has been playing with electronics and writing about them for years. He loved his Sega Dreamcast and now the PlayStation 3. On the iPhone, he's a fan of sports apps and anything that offers new music.

 

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