Don’t burn a dollar on useless, boring Cigar

Sep 2, 2009
OMG

Spending a dollar on the Cigar app gives you about as much satisfaction as rolling up that dollar and smoking it. And it makes about as much sense. The Entertainment category app is one of those goofy novelty iPhone apps, intended to “turn” your iPhone into something silly for a few seconds that is maybe […]

Spending a dollar on the Cigar app gives you about as much satisfaction as rolling up that dollar and smoking it. And it makes about as much sense.

The Entertainment category app is one of those goofy novelty iPhone apps, intended to “turn” your iPhone into something silly for a few seconds that is maybe good for a laugh.

Cigar isn’t good for a laugh. It’s not good for anything, mostly because even its minimal actions are barely functional.

Load the app and an unlit cigar appears on the screen. Tap one end and the cigar is lit. The user then is allowed the fun of tilting the iPhone in one direction or another, to either “puff” on the cigar or “ash” it.

“Warning,” the Cigar app description page on iTunes reads, “accelerometer controls are not perfect.” Not perfect is another way of saying totally broken.

The cigar ashes on its own and puffs happen every few seconds. Occasionally the off-screen “smoker” coughs. Big deal. Meanwhile, the animation of the cigar burning down looks like it was made by a five-year-old in MS Paint or Power Point, with the image of the longer cigar fading away as the image of the burned down one is superimposed on top.

Cigar is neither entertaining nor funny. In fact, this app feels more like a scam than anything else, created to suck hapless greenbacks from unsuspecting technophiles. Best when avoided.

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Phil Hornshaw

Phil Hornshaw is a freelance writer, editor and author living in Los Angeles, dividing his time between playing video games, playing video games on his cell phone, and writing about playing video games. He’s also the co-author of So You Created a Wormhole: The Time Traveler’s Guide to Time Travel, which attempts to mix time travel pop culture with some semblance of science, as well as tips on the appropriate means of riding dinosaurs. Check out his profile.

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